| In which i learn about the headmaster's cello playing abilitites. |
[Dec. 17th, 2003|06:54 am] |
Every week it feels like i get into new depths of weirdness - but i really can't imagine how it can go any further, although it probably will - could maybe lack of sleep play a part in it ;) ? If i don't count the sleep taken in the teachers room (very comfy table there) and the two hours nap i took yesterday evening while being back from work, i slept (at nightly times, in my bed) less than one hour in the past two nights. I do feel like a complete wreck afterwards (and slept a bounty of 6 hours in the early night today already), but strangely it's not that hampering at the time - provided i cna rely additioanlly on the aforementioned naps in the teachers room. Adaptation, again, as i was saying yesterday, and i'm more worried than happy with it.
Quite a nice moment, today, though, taken for itself (not shooed away, not forced into lasting either) today in the amphitheater. I was watching over a colleague's students, and reading Robert reed's Black Milk at that. A bit too cold, but a comfy chair to slouch on, an extremely smart and endearing book (R.R. is one of the authors i truly respect, and this one might be his best) : it was a good moment - also enhanced by the fact it was my last day at school, so that i'm off till the beginning of january now.
I also had a talk with the headmaster about the deadlines and strategies about setting me off from teaching (at least) for next year. It didn't bring much novelty on an administrative level (he basically suggested me to get more detailed data from central administrations) - but he was entirely shocked, when, at his mention of the fact i would be missed when gone, i had the hardest time repressing a few tears. I was quite shocked at it too : if i had the opportunity of quitting in one month rather than six, i would pounce on it without one second of doubt. And still : people are nice, no, some are really lovely even, the overall atmosphere of the place is very friendly and laid back - and i've been working there for four years. I've been growing my roots, and having to tear them out of the ground is painful, even if i'm entirely sure of the choice i make. So that the talk ended up with his invitation for me to drop around anytime and his suggestion to play chamber music together, since one of my aims in quitting is to have time enough to resume harpsichord seriously, and he disclosed his playing the cello, a fact i had neevr heard of.
Being tense and worried (as i am these days with all these matters to handle) and sleep deprived can make me vulnerable to friendliness - i remember my taking the oral part of the exam to enter the E.N.S., and we were walked from the preparation room to the place the exam itself would take place by very nice old people who would soothe and try to relax the candidates by kind and positive small talk ("the jury is very nice, you'll see, and i've been watching you while you were preparing, you look so serious, i'm sure you're going to make it, go on.. it's your time now, i'll be crossing my fingers for you"). So that their attempt at dropping the pressure was mainly bringing me at the edge of tears, making for one more difficulty adding to the others. I was not expecting anything of the sort today, so i was quite shocked myself - but nothing in comparison to his reaction, halfway smiling halfway shaking his head and muttering he'd never have thought me to be so tender-hearted - do i really make such a tough and hard impression, or what ??
Then i dried my cheeks, while i dashed through the corridors, coughed a bit to give a suitable cause to my breathlessness, entered the classroom, and resumed the lesson for the last hour of the year. |
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